There’s No “Right” Way to Sleep: Cultural Considerations Every BCBA Should Respect

New families are like Forrest’s box of chocolates. We never know what we’re going to get.

Not because families are unpredictable in a negative way, but because every household comes with its own norms, values, routines, and definitions of what “normal” looks like. And when it comes to sleep, those differences become especially important.

One of the easiest mistakes we can make as BCBAs is to walk into a sleep conversation carrying invisible assumptions about how sleep should look. The truth is, sleep is deeply personal. It is shaped by culture, family history, religion, housing realities, caregiving patterns, work schedules, and what safety and connection mean inside that home.

And it matters, because families can sense judgment quickly. Even subtle assumptions about bedtime routines, room arrangements, or caregiver involvement can create distance, defensiveness, or a quiet disengagement that shows up later as poor follow-through.

If we want to support sleep ethically and effectively, we have to start with respect.

Family Culture Is Not a Template

Every family has a culture. Sometimes it’s influenced by ethnicity, nationality, language, or community practices. Other times it’s influenced by family structure, parenting history, or lived experience. Many families blend multiple cultural values at once. Some are navigating intergenerational households where caregivers may have different beliefs about sleep. Some live in small spaces where idealized sleep setups simply aren’t possible.

Individual family cultures are as unique as the individuals themselves, and no two households sleep the same way.

That means we cannot approach sleep support with a one-size-fits-all template and expect it to land.

A family might believe sleep should involve bed sharing. Another might believe independence is the goal from an early age. One child may sleep in the living room because that’s the quietest space. Another family may have multiple children sharing beds or rooms for safety, comfort, or tradition. Some caregivers work night shifts and bedtime looks different by necessity. Some families do late dinners. Some families put children to bed very early. Some families don’t have a “bedtime routine” in the traditional sense at all.

None of these are inherently wrong.

There is no universally correct way to sleep. There is only what is effective, sustainable, and aligned with the family’s goals.

The Danger of “Should”

When we approach sleep with the assumption that everyone should be in their own bed, in their own room, with a predictable bedtime routine, we may unintentionally impose a cultural preference rather than provide clinical support.

It’s also important to acknowledge that many sleep recommendations circulating online are rooted in a particular cultural lens. They often assume that families have multiple bedrooms, consistent schedules, access to specific products, and caregivers who share the same beliefs about independence and bedtime expectations.

Families who don’t fit that mold can feel like they’re “doing sleep wrong” before we even begin. And when families feel judged, sleep support becomes harder, not because the science changed, but because trust has eroded.

A BCBA’s job is not to enforce a specific version of sleep. Our job is to assess whether sleep is working for the learner and the household, and to support families in making changes that are realistic and meaningful for them.

Co-Sleeping Isn’t the Problem. Sleep Deprivation Is.

One of the most common assumptions I see in sleep work is that bed sharing is automatically “bad,” or that co-sleeping is something families must eliminate to achieve better sleep.

But bed sharing is a normal and valued practice in many cultures, and for many families it supports connection, safety, and caregiver accessibility. The presence of a caregiver at night is not inherently problematic.

The question is not, “Is this how sleep should look?” The question is, “Is everyone getting enough rest, and is this arrangement sustainable?”

There are families who bed share and sleep beautifully. There are families who don’t bed share and still experience significant sleep disruption. There are also families who bed share out of necessity rather than preference, and they may want support shifting toward a different system.

Our role is to help families meet their goals. We do not assume thei goals for them. We collaborate to define it.

Routines Don’t Have to Look Like Books and Baths

Another common cultural assumption is that bedtime routines must include certain elements. Many people picture pajamas, a bath, a story, and lights out at the same time every night.

But some families don’t read books at bedtime because of language, preference, or literacy. Some families use storytelling, music, prayer, or quiet conversation instead. Some families eat late and bedtime routines look shorter by necessity. Some caregivers share responsibility across multiple adults, and bedtime looks different depending on who is present.

A “routine” does not have to be a scripted sequence that matches someone else’s expectations. A routine simply needs to provide predictable cues that sleep is coming and support the learner in transitioning into rest.

Predictability can be created in many ways. The form is flexible. The function is what matters.

The Real Goal: Respect, Effectiveness, and Sustainability

When we approach sleep through a culturally respectful lens, we are not lowering standards. We are strengthening outcomes.

Families engage more deeply when they feel understood. They follow through more consistently when sleep goals reflect their actual lives. And learners benefit when interventions are aligned with how their world truly operates, not how we wish it did.

Sleep support is not about enforcing perfection. It is about supporting systems that work.

That means we assess patterns without judgment. We ask thoughtful questions before we give recommendations. We avoid assuming that our version of “normal” is universal. And we remember that culture, context, and family values are not barriers to treatment; they are the foundation the plan must be built on.

There is no right way to sleep.

There is only what helps a learner rest, what helps a family function, and what can be sustained over time.

When we approach sleep with curiosity, humility, and clinical clarity, we not only improve outcomes, we build trust. And trust is what makes long-term change possible.

Want to Build Confidence Supporting Sleep Across Diverse Family Systems?

If you’re a BCBA who wants to strengthen your ability to assess sleep challenges ethically, collaborate with caregivers respectfully, and design sustainable sleep plans that work in real homes (not idealized ones), The Sleep Collective is now enrolling for the April 2026 cohort.

This certification program is designed exclusively for BCBAs and provides structured, evidence-aligned training in non-medical sleep support, with an emphasis on sustainability, caregiver collaboration, and scope-aligned practice.

Spots are limited and this cohort will sell out. If you’re considering certification, now is the time to learn more and schedule a discovery call to explore whether The Sleep Collective is the right fit for your practice.